Sunday, October 11, 2009


It's been a while since I've been able to write my blog. It's been a struggle to have time other than to check my FB page and send a quick note here and there.

School is more challenging than I expected it would be. It's not so much the work load as it is the logistics for getting to school. I already had to drop another class due to my lack of being able to get to school for the class. The first weeks I struggled to even get my books for the class I kept.

My challenge, is having to rely on others to help baby sit or borrow a car. This not only includes school but work as well. You may be thinking, "Come on? She has money and her man is working what's the deal?" Well, the deal is simply our main focus is on our Lotus and anything else comes after that. The other main deal is we started off with one of us going to school, Yale, so that he could get his degree my wanting to go to school came later after turning 40 this year.

The support is wonderful and I understand that everyone has their own lives to attend to including family. It's been very stressful trying to manage going to work, then to one class on Monday and teaching Wednesday nights with knowing that I must also include Lotus while figuring this all out.

There are times lately I just want to throw the towel in. I don't know what else to do and I am even tired of the excuses. Perhaps now isn't my time, and I have to walk away with my head held high and wait till it's easier for all. Perhaps the sacrifice I make now will bring greater award later. But even the thought ways heavy on my soul.

The last two weeks I have been out of town working, plus my work in Baltimore, plus preparing three power point presentations for my speech class. I have a group in which I was assigned and the first power points worked out just fine. This weeks ... well, we have all had some challenges that I placed a great load on me. I am always up for a great challenge and sometimes I up for a great break too.

Twelve hours into building this power point and my eyes are heavy and so is my heart. Just found out that both mom and the Nana's can't baby sit which means I have no car for school and no one to watch Lotus. Yale works the night shift and there is no way I am going to not let him have the car. I want him to get home in one piece. Yes, his an incredible strong man who could kick some butt, but, should he have too?

So, I sit here breathing through my anxiety and knowing that there is a solution on the horizon and all will work out eventually. Right now it's hard to see how.